It's nearly Christmas - whooh hooh!

Why it only seems like last year since we last saw Christmas.

I know time is meant to fly when you're a) having fun b) getting older but this is ridiculous. Unless of course getting older means having more fun. Who knows? I'll get back to you when I'm older.

For now there's all the planning that needs to be done for Crimbo.

And that is where me and the rest of the world part company.

I've never planned for Christmas. My only plan is for my backside to have a good time and that means doing exactly as I please.

After all there has to be one day where you can let rip (in whatever way takes your fancy) and indulge yourself?

When I hear people scheduling the day like a military campaign, I think - Lord have mercy thank God that's not me.

I know a couple where the wife has invited her sister and the husband is gritting his teeth. Not because he doesn't get on with his sister-in-law but because he saw the day as being one big slob-out for him and the missus.

Instead, he's going have to get up at early o'clock on the one day he could have expected a lie-in and play nicey-nicey.

And no matter how close you are to people, when you've got guests in your home, you can't just relax and leave them to it - you have to be a host.

So whereas he might have belched and farted his way through Christmas - and enjoyed it - now he has to put on his gladrags and entertain.

"More Baileys?"
"Would you like another slice of ham?"
"Would you like me to put the heating on?"
"Of course I don't mind if you smoke in my bedroom. Please. Be my guest"

He wasn't  happy so I said to him - well get it out of the way this year and then next year it can be you and the wife. That's fair ennit?

I don't know what Christmas is like in Nigeria but here in UK-land, there are a lot of traditions that don't make any sense.

For example:

Brussel Sprouts - every year people moan about eating them and every year those same people will buy them

Turkey - the biggest driest bird known to man  (even bigger and drier than me) and something that has to be taken out of the oven every two hours and basted (the turkey that is, not me).

And there's always left-overs and people forced to eat it will always complain. Yet those same people will STILL buy a turkey the size of a child knowing 2/3 of it will go in the bin.

Why? Cos it's Christmas!

Me? I'll be buying a chicken and roasting its arse with a few potatoes and some stuffing.

I'll serve it with something 'medicinal' to wash it down with and it'll be perfect, just like me :)


 
Posted by: Joycelyn Bruce on 20 November 2009

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